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February 20, 2005
The Jimmy Carter
The submarine, that is.
Yes, our newest and most powerful submarine is none other than the U.S.S. Jimmy Carter.
The USS Jimmy Carter joined the Navy's fleet yesterday as the most heavily armed submarine ever built, and as the last of the Seawolf class of attack subs that the Pentagon ordered during the Cold War's final years.What a country.The 453-foot, 12,000-ton submarine has a 50-torpedo payload and eight torpedo tubes. And, according to intelligence experts, it can tap undersea cables and eavesdrop on the communications passing through them.
It can reach speeds of more than 45 knots and carry Tomahawk cruise missiles and anti-submarine torpedoes, and it is engineered to be quieter than the other two Seawolves, making it better for surveillance.
You do have to wonder what those guys in the Navy must be thinking. Most of them are, well, not exactly fans of the sort of politics that Jimmy Carter represents. Lest we forget, he invited Michael Moore to sit with him at the Democratic National Convention last summer. ugh.
And for the jokes you've all been waiting for but didn't want to admit it
(taken from a survey around the Internet)
Perhaps it will also lust after other subs in its heart
Wonder if it'll attack the US like it's namesake?
Hmmm, I wonder what type of military equipment they could name after slick Willy?
Odds are it'll sink right out of the gate, just like his presidency...
This will be the first submarine to beach itself in the middle of some Iranian desert somewhere..
In a tribute to President Carter and his accomplishments The sub will immediately be given to Kim Jong Ill as part of a new "appeasement for dictator" strategies.
Does the sub come equipped with a white flag?
CAPTAIN: "Seaman, load that torpedo!"
SEAMAN: "Sir, I'd like to...but I have this feeling of malaise..."
The good news here is that there will not be a super carrier with the name Jimmy Carter
Let us not forget the Carter Administration's greatest accomplishment: the Reagan Administration.
Then there are its unique missiles:
--- I was actually going to write a serious piece about submarine warfare but got lost in the jokes. If you really want to know about Navy subs, go here. But if you're like me and want even more humor, go here.
Posted by Tom at February 20, 2005 8:11 PM
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